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Queen Scarlet and The Shoelace
Another masterpiece by Lorik. Note that this is a funfic and not meant to be serious in any way. Any offense? Just keep calm and ship Wintermoon and keep going. MAY CONTAIN SOME SPOILERS FOR ESCAPING PERIL! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. THANK YOU. It's done! Have fun reading... Plot Queen Scarlet - one-eyed, burned, ugly, disgraced SkyWing fugitive ex-queen has almost nothing to live for. Queen Glory is out of her grasp. The dragonets of destiny are famous. Her disloyal daughter, Ruby, has taken her throne. But in her hidden temporary lair, hope awaits. Because she has found it. She has found the key. The beacon of hope. The shoelace. Chapter 1: Scarlet's Regret The dark orange SkyWing sobbed in the remote cave, one eye pouring tears like a teapot, the other blackened and burnt, useless. Her name was Queen Scarlet, and she had been the ruler of the Sky Kingdom. She had had everything - dragonets, treasure, fame. But now everything was gone, thanks to those wretched, stupid dragonets... "I am so rekt," she wailed, her body racked with sobs. "Even my name! Why am I called Scarlet? Scarlet is RED. I am freaking ORANGE! I should have been named...*sob* Peach or something..." Her mind seemed to be failing, and she noticed this, so she pulled herself together by slapping herself and screaming. She reared up and instantly brained herself on the low ceiling. "Talons and tails, that hurts!" she squawked horribly, tears dribbling down her dusty orange scales. My, she was a mess. Her golden chainmail was dark and melded to her chest thanks to Glory's magical death spit. "Oh, oh, oh!" she squealed and ran out of the cave. "The SUN! IT BURNS LIKE CRAP!" she screamed as the sun hit her scales. "OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" She ran back in the cave. "TOO DARK!" Back out. "TOO HOT!" Back in. "TOO COLD!" Back out. "TOO...WINDY!" "Are you okay, sweet?" purred a voice. NO! IT COULDN'T BE! Scarlet looked down at the pink tennis shoes that had just appeared on all her feet, covering her talons. A shoelace had untied from one of the shoes and magically sprouted grotesque eyes and a mouth. It was speaking to her in a high-pitched voice. "Hello, my sweetie," said the strange magical shoelace. Scarlet gawked and gawked at this strange phenomenon. "Uhhh..." "Oh, I know what you want!" said the shoelace cheerfully, and with a snap of its shoelaces, Scarlet had poofy golden hair, a mane of shining locks that went down her neck and on the top of her head. Scarlet could scarcely believe it. She raised one shivering talon and lightly felt her fabulous hair. It was soft and sleek and looked as if it would never have to be washed! Scarlet decided to test its gorgeousness. She romped out of the cave, the new pink tennis shoes clomping and slapping everywhere, the shoelaces becoming untied. The one shoelace that could speak blinked its large, horrifying eyes with their long magenta eyelashes, now covered in dust from the rocks. "Oh, sweet, would you please stop?" it complained. "Oh, no!" Scarlet said. "I am having too much fun! I haven't had this much fun since I killed my mom." She kicked and pranced and did all these weird, grotesque, un-queenly dance moves. Her hair got messed up, greasy, oily, and sweaty. It hung down in matted yellow clumps, like straw that a cow has pooped on, stepped on, kicked about, eaten, thrown up again, chewed on like cud, swallowed, and pooped out again! "Oh, moons, no!" whispered Scarlet, flicking out her long, forked tongue to taste her hair. It was dirty after all. Chapter 2: The Shoelace's Gift Scarlet couldn't sleep that night. Not only was she very restless and furious about her beautiful-but-not-anymore gold hair dilemma, but that shoelace wouldn't shut up - because it didn't have a mouth to close, of course. It seemed to talk from its EYES, instead. "You know, if you had only listened to me you would still have your faboo hair," the shoelace droned on in a monotonous voice. "You could start to listen to me. After all" - it wiggled in delight - "shoelaces are-" Here Scarlet roared, "SHUT YOUR EYES, YOU PINK PIECE OF CRAP!" And smashed her claws down on the shoelace, flattening it until it was flatter than it had been before, which is to say, flatter than a shoelace can possibly be! It was flatter than...than...a shoelace! Yes! Scarlet congratulated herself on her immense creativity and slunk away, kicking those gross, stinky shoes away. The shoelaces announced their disapproval by squealing shrilly when they hit the muddy rock. Scarlet tried to toss her hair, but it was plastered to her orange forehead in stringy mats, so she breathed fire in anger, smoke pouring out her ears. However, the smoke went into her hair and suddenly her head was on fire! "NO!" cried Scarlet, burning tears pouring out her yellow eyes as she mourned her hair's loss - sure, it had been ugly, but it had been HAIR all the same! Not every dragon was blessed with such a thing! "This is NOT thrilling at ALL! And even though I die in book 8, I feel as if I'm going to die HERE," Scarlet sobbed, stomping her feet and making her beautiful orange scales dirty! How horrible! *shudder* The shoelace dragged its shoe over to her, its eyes blinking with dusty tears. "Thou hath forsaken me," it whined. "I don't need you!" snorted Scarlet and raised one foot to kick it brutally away. "Wait! Wait!" pleaded the shoelace and fluttered its hideous pink eyelashes. "I can make your hair golden again!" Scarlet paused, eyes wide. Could it be true? Her beautiful, beautiful hair? She blew an oily yellow strand out of her face and snapped, "Without it becoming dingy?" "Well..." the shoelace said. "I don't like this pause," Scarlet informed him (was it a him? did shoelaces even have genders?) and bared her teeth, feeling spit drip grotesquely from her fangs. "Well, I can't ensure total perfectness," the shoelace said hastily, "but I can make it more durable if you wish..." "Durable?" Scarlet asked. "Yes - durable. But of course, still shiny, glossy, and soft as Morrowseer's heart when he thinks of you," the shoelace promised slyly. "Oh - Morrowseer?" Scarlet said vaguely. "That old jerk? But I do LOVE being LOVED!" She raised her snout to the sun and said benevolently, "I will praise you for giving me my hair back, good shoelace." So the shoelace's eyes became enormous pink orbs of energy, and it waved back and forth like a charmed cobra... And a blinding pink light surrounded Scarlet, so she shut her eyes tight... Chapter 3: The Prettiest Hair in Pyrrhia Scarlet opened her eyes, feeling sure something was wrong. The messy weight of the hair on her head was gone, replaced by something much lighter, almost nonexistent, but still inexplicably there. ''Her eyes went up but of course she couldn't see her own head... The shoelace bounced its shoe over to her and conjured a coral mirror. Scarlet snatched it in her talon and looked at herself hungrily. She was majestic. Scarlet giggled girlishly in her delight. Never had she been so happy, so amazed, so...non-violently satisfied. She lifted a talon again, lightly feeling and stroking her gold hair. It shone like molten, spun sunlight, catching the light and throwing it every which way. "Ahhhh," Scarlet sighed vainly, admiring her beauty. For not even the SwiftWings had hair like this - so soft and real and pure, as gold as that horrible Sand/NightWing dragonet's scales. What was her name? Ah, Sunny. Just like something you might name your pet. '(Fact: Lorikeet has an IRL pet, a Sun Conure named Sunny!)''' "What about my reward?" the shoelace mildly asked, bobbing up and down hopefully. "REWARD?" spat Scarlet, then settled herself, tossing her mane of gold. "Ah, I'm in such a good mood," she said lovingly. "I shall praise you like you said." She opened her snout wide and raised her head so the sun shone on her lovely hair. The shoelace drooled from its eyes as it awaited her beautiful speech of thanks. "O Majestic Shoelace," drawled Scarlet, rolling her eyes, "I, Ex-Queen Scarlet of the SkyWings, thank you greatly for this O so great, O so beautiful, O so amazing gift - hair of my own!" Here she bent her head self-consciously and smiled, since the mirror was down at her feet. Then: "I must now ponder the true nobility of shoelaces, for such underrated, seemingly dead objects can gift such dramatic memes, have changed the course of my fashion story, and I have decided to" - she thought for a moment - "gift this royal treaure, the Coral Mirror of Hair-Looking!" She picked up the coral mirror the Shoelace had given her and gave it back, presenting it in her queenly talons as if she had just taken it out of her royal treasury. "Oh, thank you, thank you," said the cinnamon roll, er, Shoelace, who was so forgetful and so kindly that he had no clue that it was his mirror in the first place. He took it in his eyes somehow, with a gross squelch noise as his eyeballs, popped, and suddenly he screamed and screamed because the handle of the Coral Mirror of Hair-Looking was propped inside one of his eye sockets. Scarlet sat back and smiled, twirling a lock of gold hair around one ruby-colored crescent of a perfect hair-twirling claw, watching the Shoelace scream in tortured pain as he wriggled and whipped about. Finally, the Shoelace and his pink tennis shoe disintegrated into a pile of pink, sparkly, cupcake-smelling dust. Scarlet stepped forward, stretching her legs, and accidentally-on-purpose scattered the dust. It rose and settled on her eyes... "ARGH! ARGH! I'm ROASTED! I'm REKT!" wailed Scarlet, breathing fire with the fury of a million dank memes. She opened her eyes and saw the Coral Mirror lying there innocently. With a quavery, cautious talon she picked it up...and SUDDENLY!... and nothing happened. (But it did happen quite suddenly.) Chapter 4: Perfect Eyes, Perfect Hair The mirror portrayed Scarlet in all of her beauty - minus the black venom scars. Her eyes gleamed no longer yellow but PINK! It clashed horribly with Scarlet's orange scales and yellow hair but she didn't care. Because right now she was the most beautiful thing in the...WAIT WHAT?! Just as she had thought that the pink eyes didn't look all too good, they changed to blue! Then lavender purple - SandWing's eye black - IceWing white - RainWing green - MudWing brown - SeaWing turquoise - NightWing gray - and SkyWing yellow again. Scarlet sat there, stunned. Could she change colors when she felt like it? She thought of a good color - didn't blue go artistically well with orange? And yellow too? She forced herself to wish for blue eyes, and POOF! The Coral Mirror of Hair-and-Eye-Viewing now showed her reflection with striking cobalt eyes. Scarlet stood up and ran to a puddle nearby to check if it was for real. It was. Another thought - could she change her hair color too? She concentrated for a moment. Nope. Buuuut...she attempted different things - changing hair length, changing it from wavy to curly - adding diamond sparkles to it - nope. Nada. Nothing. Suddenly, just as a thought of a swishy ponytail plopped itself in her brain, her hair moved into a ponytail held together by a blue hairband that matched her eyes perfectly. With a delighted squeal, Scarlet tossed her hair, but it didn't work as well with a pony tail. So she changed it to its normal flowing mane of gold and spread her wings, ready to go show herself off, when... ''HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY. Aren't I...a fugitive? ''Scarlet scowled angrily. This was the worst! She couldn't show off her beautiful hair and eyes! But maybe... Suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her. Dragon footsteps. Chapter 5: Whirlpool and Morrowseer's Hair "WHIRLPOOL? MORROWSEER?" exclaimed Scarlet, staring at her fellow villains. Whirlpool was a quite ugly dark green SeaWing, with an oily, slow voice and a horrible gold earring in his right ear. Morrowseer was an enormous NightWing, with black and gray scales, dark blue wing membranes with star-like silver speckles, and silver eyes. Scarlet's heart leaped when she saw him, but she reminded herself that Morrowseer already belonged to Blister...oh, wait. Blister was dead! Ding, dong, the witch was dead! Scarlet smiled as she thought of Morrowseer, who was now single. Or was he? She had a feeling, a strange gut feeling, that Morrowseer already had a mate. "Hello, darling," oozed Whirlpool, flashing his cheek stripes green. Scarlet shuddered. "How did you get here?" she asked, turning her attention to that handsome Morrowseer. "We were hiding as well, but I saw the glint of the sunlight off something gold, and I need gold, being a penniless fugitive, so I tracked the gold down," rumbled Morrowseer in his wonderful deep voice. "I did the same," added Whirlpool. "It seems you have SwiftWing hair," said Morrowseer in confusion. "Oh, hahaha, this isn't SWIFTWING HAIR," giggled Scarlet flirtatiously and shook her head so her gold curls bounced, catching the sunlight in a glorious way. "I found a magical shoelace and it granted me my hair and" - she batted her eyes so everyone could see her beautiful blue eyes - "blue eyes!" "Blue eyes, think of that," whispered Whirlpool. "Big deal," growled Morrowseer. "Peril, that firescales dragonet, has blue eyes too." Scarlet frowned. "So? Her eyes are weird and fiery. MINE are fabulous..." Suddenly a horrible thought struck her. "Are you, by any chance, having a crush on Peril?" she asked, brimming with jealousy. Morrowseer stared at her. "Excuse me? I already have a mate, Secretkeeper." His chest filled up with pride. Scarlet began to cry. "Oh, Scarlet, dear," gushed Whirlpool, wrapping his fishy arms around her. Scarlet shoved him off, breathing fire in disgust. "Ugh!" she spat. "As if being rejected wasn't enough, now I'm being cuddled by a giant fish!" Whirlpool sobbed. Morrowseer growled angrily. "Ummm..." And suddenly, a horribly familiar squeaky voice piped up, "Hello! Are you wanting hair too? And pretty eyes?" It was the Shoelace, resurrected. Its eye was perfectly normal. Scarlet screamed and stamped her foot. "How did you come back to life, you horrible pink-eyed monster? Creature of filth!" she spat. "Excuse me?" said the Shoelace in a singsong voice and bounced its shoe over to her and swatted her leg with its shoelace. "I'm the one who gave you your bouncy locks!" "That's true," Scarlet remembered suddenly. "I'm sorry, Shoelace," she said sweetly. "Of course Morrowbae and Whirlpoop want some hair too." "Hey!" roared Morrowseer. "That's mean," Whirlpool objected, pulling on his earring. Scarlet scoffed, and the Shoelace began to work its magic. Then, POOF! Morrowseer had a white curly wig like Mozart, which went every so handsomely well with his black scales and orange eyes. Meanwhile, Whirlpool got a spiky brown mohawk. "Eww! I look horrendous," Whirlpool whined with a bubbly sniff. "Oh, no you don't," the Shoelace assured him. "You look positively fabulous." Whirlpool beamed, convinced, and tossed his head, the mohawk flapping like a chicken's crest thingy. "I look smashing," gushed Morrowseer and peered at himself with the Hair-Viewing Mirror. "I look like a piano composer." He turned around and gratefully wrapped his wonderful black smoky wings around Scarlet, who screamed shrilly, girlishly, and swooned right there on the spot. Whirlpool, meanwhile, screeched in jealousy and tugged on his mohawk, and succeeded in literally nothing but stabbing his talons on the spiky hair. Chapter 6: The End of this Story, but a New Beginning Scarlet and Morrowseer sat on the hidden cliff, tails twined together, watching the glorious sunset. The setting sun reflected off Scarlet's gorgeous golden hair and illuminated Morrowseer's curly shoulder-length white "wig." Meanwhile, Whirlpool hugged the Shoelace and its shoe close to his chest, weeping in happiness, for he shipped himself with it and they were now BFFs. "This is the best day of my life," said Scarlet with a sigh, tossing her hair. "That is, almost the best day. The best day was when I killed my mom and became queen." "Oh, how wonderfully violent and brutal you are," said Morrowseer with a growl. Scarlet kicked him lovingly and he caught her leg, throwing her right into the sun. Scarlet would've died had the Shoelace not sacrificed itself and became the sun itself - a glowing, radiant pink being with swirly magenta strands, like shoelaces instead of sun rays, pouring off the shining pink ball. Scarlet walked on this strange Sunlace and began to cry. "I want Morrowbae and Whirlpoop," she whined, and then they teleported right there. "This is the best day ever after all," said Scarlet with a giggle, and the three villains walked off out of sight of the Narrator's camera forever, walking on their victorious pink Sunlace. THE END Category:Fanfictions Category:Fanfictions (Fanon) Category:Genre (Comedy) Category:Fanfictions (Completed) Category:Content (LorikeetRainwing)